


New Year's Kiss

by Xenobia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Humor, Other, Romance, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 14:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5669980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenobia/pseuds/Xenobia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hange has a secret that just has to come out. Levi is the one confided in, and Hange learns that layers are deeper than expected. Oh yeah, and happy belated New Year, everybody! *throws confetti*</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Year's Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I hate that we don't have better pronouns for gender-ambiguous people than "they", "them" or "their". It makes me feel like I'm referring to the individual in plural and my inner grammar whore screams in torment. As such, I switch between masculine and feminine pronouns for Hange in this, seeing as Hange is a bit of both. I hope I don't cause confusion. *additional note* I failed to properly tag the fandom for this when I first published it.

"Levi, I need to speak with you alone."

The captain of the Scouts eyed Hange sidelong, caught in the middle of supervising the training of their fresh recruits. "I'm busy right now, four-eyes."

"This really can't wait," she insisted urgently, dropping her voice to a lower tone. "Please. I really need to tell someone."

He turned his head to look at her full-on, his dark, narrow brows pinching slightly with suspicion. "What the hell did you do _this_ time?"

"Nothing! Well, nothing _yet_." Hange smirked. "Give me some time, though. Listen, I just really need to get something off my chest. Come have a drink with me, Levi."

He sighed, and he combed his fingers through his dark hair. The put-upon expression didn't fade even as he nodded in compliance. "Fine. Hey Mike, can you take over for a while?"

Across the distance at the corner of the sparring area, the squad leader whom Levi addressed nodded his shaggy blond head with a grunt of acknowledgement. Satisfied that the tall blond would handle things for him, Levi gave a nod to Hange. "All right, this better be good. Lead the way."

* * *

Hange paced the floor in her quarters after getting Levi into them. She shot an uncertain look at her comrade, wondering again if she was making the right decision in choosing to inform him of the truth of her nature. Levi seemed patiently bored, glancing around at their surroundings with a critical eye. Hange smirked when he reached out to run a fingertip over the top of the desk he was sitting at. He frowned slightly at the dust gathered on said fingertip, and he rubbed his thumb against it.

"When was the last time you cleaned this shithole?"

"It's my room, so I'll clean it when I want to," excused Hange with a shrug. She faltered a little when those sharp, sleepy gray eyes met hers. She swallowed hard. "So...drinks. You probably want me to get on with it."

Levi gave a brief, calm nod. "That would be nice. What's this all about, shitty-glasses?"

Taking a deep breath, Hange reacted on impulse. It was now or never. She reached into her stained yellow shirt to pull out the stuffing in her bra, and as the captain stared at her, she tossed two bundled up cloths to the floor.

Levi's gaze followed them, and then it settled on Hange again. "Tch. I knew you had small tits, but—"

Hange tore open her shirt to bare her chest at him. Levi fell into silence, and for once that deadpan expression of his melted away to reveal something like confusion.

"You see?" Hange prompted after a moment.

Levi bliniked slowly. "I think my tits are bigger."

Hange fought a nervous laugh. Yes, Levi probably did have bigger tits. The little guy was built like a brick shithouse, after all. "Probably. You're in much better shape. I'm sure you have nice man-boobs, Levi." The scientist breathed a sigh, and then sank down on the corner of the bed. "So now you know."

"What exactly is it that I'm supposed to 'know'?" Levi persisted softly, eyes still glued to Hange's flat chest. "All you've done is flash me. It's a little disappointing."

Still grinning, Hange met his gaze, threading lean fingers together. "That's what I love about you, shrimp. You say exactly what's on your mind and you don't sugarcoat it."

Levi's expression remained unchanged. "You said there was alcohol."

"So I did." Hange pulled the ends of the shirt together, self-conscious. Warmth grew in Hange's cheeks in response to that unwavering stare, and butterflies took residence in her stomach. She went over to the cabinet in the corner of the room, and she opened it up to retrieve the bottle of fennel-based gin she'd just purchased a few days ago. She poured two tumblers full, cut up a lime to squeeze some juice into them, and handed one of the containers to her companion. Hange clinked her glass against Levi's and she met his stare boldly.

"Here's to friendship, small fry."

Levi didn't respond. His eyes never left Hange's as he lifted the glass to his lips and took a deep swallow. His brows pinched briefly in response to the burn of the liquor, and he wiped his mouth before speaking again. "So I guess downstairs must reflect the upstairs, huh?"

Hange glanced down at the crotch of her pants, and she shifted a bit. Being reminded of how she had to tuck everything away brought forth the discomfort she'd grown used to. "Yes. I've got a dick. It's really not easy to hide, but I've managed it."

When Levi nodded calmly, the scientist's head tilted. "You really don't seem all that shocked, Levi."

"Not really," he admitted softly. He took another sip of his drink. "So how long have you been covering this up?"

Hange blew a sigh. "Oh, most of my life. It gets to me sometimes though, like today. I considered people I might reveal it too, and your name came up on the list."

"Guess I'm just lucky." Levi grimaced a little as he swallowed more gin, and he held his glass out. "I'm empty."

Hange dutifully refilled his glass and squeezed more lime juice into it. "You're disgusted, aren't you?"

Levi shrugged. "Did I say that?"

"Well no, but—"

"Hey, stop reading into things," he interrupted sharply. "You gave me a little start, but I'm not all that surprised. Never thought of you as a woman anyhow."

Hange couldn't contain a wince. Shit, was the masquerade that transparent? "Ouch. I didn't realize it was so easy to see through."

"It isn't," he assured softly. He sipped his fresh drink, and then he met Hange's gaze again. I just never assigned a gender to you in the first place, personally. You've always just been Hange to me."

Hange found that information comforting, for some reason. A smile spread over the scientist's lips, and he took a deep swallow of gin. "Yeah? So you never realized I was hiding the truth until now?"

The captain stared levelly at Hange. "I don't even know what 'the truth' is. Should I start using masculine pronouns for you now?"

Hange shook her head. "Please don't." She took a seat on the corner of the bed again, and he sighed. "Levi, I know how confusing this has to be. It's so difficult to explain."

Levi sipped at his drink again, his hooded eyes never leaving Hange's face. "Try me. Explain it."

Hange gulped. Well, she'd come to him, after all. He wasn't freaking out and running away so far. "You said you've never assigned a gender to me. That means you probably see me better than most everyone else, sweetheart. I honestly don't _have_ a gender. I might have the parts of a boy, but I've never felt like one. I've never felt like a woman either, exactly. I'm just...just..."

"You're just Hange," Levi finished for her with a decisive little nod. "I get it."

To Hange's chagrin, tears began to sting his eyes. She nodded. "Yes. I'm just Hange. You've summed it up better than I think I could, Levi."

A furrow appeared between Levi's brows as Hange began to cry softly. He set his drink aside, and he reached into the pocket of his uniform jacket to procure one of his ever-present handkerchiefs. "Hey, your nose is running. Cut that out."

Hange gratefully took the offering, peeking at her companion sheepishly. "I'll get it dirty."

"Fuck, I wipe titan blood off my blades with those," Levi reminded with a shrug. "Like I care if I get some shit-glass snot on one of them. It's not like I don't have two dozen more."

Hange choked a laugh, blowing his nose and wiping it with the handkerchief. "I knew I made the right call, coming to you with this."

Levi tilted his head, his finely sculpted features faintly curious. "Why _did_ you pick me? I'm probably the least sensitive bastard on this base you could come to."

Hange finished cleaning up, and she met the other scout's eyes somberly. "That isn't true, you know. I've seen how you really are, Levi. You're passionately committed to the cause, and you protect the people under your command as best you can. I would say you're probably the most sensitive and kind soldier I've ever met."

Levi frowned. "Where the hell have _you_ been? Have you seen the way I act?"

Hange gave a broken little chuckle. "Yes, I have. You're gruff and you can be a little asshole, but beneath all of that, I think you care more deeply for the lives of your comrades than any of us. Tell me I'm wrong."

"Fuck you. Put that bullshit out of your mind." Levi looked away, but not before Hange caught the brief little flash of emotion in his eyes. "Wouldn't it just be easier for you to live as a guy? You've already got the equipment. If you're not either-or, using what you've got might have been a simpler option."

"Yes, it would have been easier," admitted Hange with a little shrug. He took another swallow of gin, grimaced a bit and then refilled the glass. "I've never done things the easy way, though. You should know that. Honestly, I tend to lean a bit more toward the feminine side and I do love a challenge."

"Well, you gave yourself one," Levi pointed out. "You'd have probably advanced faster through the ranks as a man."

"My goal was never to advance quickly." Hange took another sip, shivering. "I wanted to see exactly what I could accomplish. Doing that as a man would have felt a bit too easy for me. Make sense?"

"From you? Oddly it does." Levi clinked his glass against Hange's "Cheers. So what made me the lucky bastard you decided to reveal this too?"

Hange chuckled softly. "Honestly, I drew your name from a hat."

Levi coughed a little, and when he regained his composure, he stared at Hange. "Yeah? You just randomly picked a name from a hat?"

"Well, no. It was between you, Mike and Moblit. You were the only three I trusted enough to reveal this too. Your name came up when I reached into that hat."

"Huh." Levi held his freshly empty glass out for a refill. "I'd have expected you to tell Moblit first."

"I very nearly did," admitted Hange, "but I think I've put that poor man through enough, as it is. He's an alcoholic because of me, you know."

Levi snorted. "Everyone's an alcoholic because of you, Hange."

The scientist sputtered around the rim of his glass, fighting off a choke of laughter. "See? This is why I came to you. I was actually sort of relieved when I drew your name, Levi." She peeked at him warily, a lock of dark auburn hair falling over Hange's right eye. "So, I imagine you'll want to report this."

"Why?" Levi swallowed down the rest of his drink, and he shrugged. "Doesn't matter whether you call yourself a guy or a girl. If it's not damaging your work performance, I don't see the need to report it."

Hange smiled, and he got up from the bed to refill Levi's drink. "So you'll keep this between us?"

"Sure." Levi held his glass out and waited for Hange to finish filling and garnishing it. "No reason to go spreading it around. You confided in me and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't leave this room. So are you feeling better, or what?"

A lump grew in Hange's throat. Acceptance. This was what she craved most, and bless this ill-tempered little whirlwind, Levi had given him just that. The decision to reveal her secret to him hadn't been a mistake. "I kind of love you, grump."

Levi tilted his head back for another swallow of his gin, and he spoke levelly after gulping it down. "Let's not get touchy-feely, all right? I hate that shit."

* * *

Nearly an hour later, Levi was feeling pleasantly buzzed and he kept regarding his drinking partner with more curiosity than he would have liked to convey. So, Hange had been living their whole life as a female, hiding biological identity for the...challenge? He had trouble wrapping his mind around it, but it didn't put him off. If anything, it made him want to learn more about Hange. That annoyed him. He was feeling pretty mellow due to the liquor, but that spark of annoyance was still strong enough to make him speak plainly to his companion.

"Fuck you."

Hange paused with the glass halfway to her lips, and he blinked at Levi, batting long lashes. "Eh? What'd I do now? I thought you weren't mad about me hiding things."

"You've got me wondering, you asshole," muttered Levi frankly. "I don't like wondering about things."

Hange sighed softly, reaching out to boldly ruffle Levi's hair. When he pulled away with a grumble, Hange chuckled. "What do you want to know, shrimp? I'll tell you as much as you need to hear. You _are_ the first person I've confided in about this."

Levi shrugged, suddenly embarrassed. He didn't know how to ask what was on his mind in any tactful way. Besides, he kind of liked shitty-glasses. He wasn't particularly eager to make those wine-colored eyes tear up again. "Does it hurt? Tucking your junk away like that to hide it, I mean."

"It can," advised Hange. "I've got years of practice to make it less uncomfortable, though. It's actually more awkward to put on a bra and stuff it to give some illusion of titties."

Levi allowed his gaze to rove over the other scout's chest, still partially bared through Hange's unbuttoned yellow shirt. Actually, he wasn't even sure that shirt was meant to be yellow; Hange probably just never washed enough to keep things white. "You could have done better," he pointed out. "A bigger chest might add to it, you know?"

"And it would have been more obvious than I wanted," explained Hange with a smirk. "If I had huge knockers it would draw more attention to me than I wanted."

"Hmph. Makes sense." Levi finished off his drink and he held his glass out as Hange quickly uncorked the gin to refill it. "So do you like men or women or both?"

"All of the above." Hange winked at him. "I _am_ a little more partial to the male variety, though. I might as well confess that I've given your cute little ass more than a lingering glance before, Captain."

"Have you, now?" Levi took another sip, grimacing briefly before eyeing Hange once more. His mouth started to run away from him, his tongue loosened up from the alcohol. "When was the last time you got laid? Was it with a guy or a girl?"

"Aren't _you_ the curious little grump!" Hange laughed, ignoring the sour look given to him. "To answer that question..." Hange sighed, setting the drink on the bedside table and folding her legs up to wrap her arms around them. "You know Levi, I can't even recall the last time I had sex. It was with a man, but it was ages ago."

Hange cast a troubled, sidelong look at Levi. Her handsome features were wistful as she spoke again in a low voice. "I haven't even been kissed in years."

Levi paused, forgetting about the drink in his hand. He started to feel a wash of pity for Hange, but that was quickly suffused with the burning curiosity plaguing him. Hange was nice looking, though the idiot didn't bathe nearly enough to suit him. Unkempt and nerdy though he was, Hange did have a certain charisma. That charisma had kept Levi from killing her so many times in the past.

"That's sucky," he muttered at last, his mind racing. "Not even a kiss?"

Hange shook her head. "Nope. No smoochies. You're right; it sucks. I'd love to feel someone's lips against mine again, even if only for a moment."

"Shit." Levi combed his fingers through his hair. "That isn't right."

"Well, what are you gonna do?" sighed Hange. "It is what it is, yes?" The scientist leaned towards her companion, laying his cheek against Levi's shoulder in a silently trusting manner of companionship.

_~Fuck.~_

Levi turned his head and he stared down at the auburn head nestled against his shoulder. He parted his lips, prepared to ask why Hange didn't take advantage of mistletoe during the holidays. He knew the answer already, though. She could have laid a wet one on Moblit and the blond man wouldn't have objected, if only because of loyalty to Hange. That wasn't what Hange needed, though. Clear consent and initiative was what he needed.

Against his better judgment, Levi slid his palm under Hange's chin to urge the other soldier to tilt her head back. The giant question was clear behind Hange's eyes as he gazed back at Levi with furrowed brows. Levi went for it without hesitation, pressing his mouth firmly against Hange's for a kiss. There was a soft, husky gasp from the scientist, and when her lips parted, Levi plunged his tongue into her mouth to fence with Hange's. The flavor of lime and gin blended as he deepened the kiss, distracted by the moment in spite of himself. He hadn't meant for it to be so intense. He'd only meant to give a friend something he thought they needed. When Hange's tongue curled around his, however, Levi felt his pants growing too tight and his kiss became much less personal than intended.

 _~Fuck,~_ he thought again, squirming a little. He was fucking attracted to him/her. He didn't even know what to call Hange anymore. He'd always used female pronouns because Hange seemed to identify as a woman, but now...

"Levi, wait," gasped Hange, breaking the kiss. The scientist's ink-marked hands cupped Levi's face, and Hange stared at him searchingly. "Was that a pity kiss?"

Levi started to say that it was, but he hesitated. He shook his head slightly, holding Hange's gaze. "Not gonna lie, it started out that way, but that didn't last."

Hange smiled in a gentle manner. "Oh, sweetheart. I never _did_ get a kiss on New Year's Eve. I felt so left out."

Levi shrugged. "Sorry."

"Oh, it's hardly your fault. I just want to understand what made you give me a kiss now."

Levi hesitated again, torn. What, indeed? He was so terrible at conveying his thoughts to others without sarcasm. "Seemed like a good idea at the time."

Hange sifted her long fingers through his dark hair, still studying him like he was some scientific curiosity. "Have you ever kissed another person with a dick before, Captain?"

Levi nodded unthinkingly. "Sure. Why?"

Hange's eyes widened. "Really? So you're gay?"

Levi snorted. "When have you ever known me to act happy, shitface?"

Hange pinched his arm, chuckling. "You know what I meant, shrimp."

A smirk formed on Levi's mouth before he could stop it. "Yeah, I know what you meant. No, I'm not gay."

Hange's brow furrowed. "But you kissed me, and you know I've got junk."

"So what?" Levi shrugged again. "You saying you didn't like the kiss?"

"No, no! I liked it a lot. I _really_ liked it, you little turd. I just want to grasp the motivation behind it. You say you aren't gay, but you kissed me knowing I've got—"

"Whatever," interrupted Levi in a grumble. "I don't care about genitals, four-eyes. Never did. I dunno what that makes me."

Hange stared at him with frank, open amazement. "There's a word for that, my dear. If you don't care about gender whatsoever, that makes you pansexual."

"Don't cuss at me in some fucked-up language," snapped Levi. His cheeks were heating with embarrassment, and he felt horribly ignorant.

"Hah! I'm not 'cussing at you'," Hange assured with a snicker. He petted Levi's hair again, gazing at him with blatant adoration. "Pansexual is just a term for individuals that have no preference between gender or identity. It means you'd kiss a rock if you thought it was cute."

"Great, so I'm a slut." Levi scooted away a little, confused. "Whatever."

"Oh, don't be like that." Hange chucked him softly and affectionately on the chin. "You don't have any hang-ups. You're secure in your wants, and that's not a bad thing at all. Levi...thank you. Really...thank you. That kiss was probably the best experience I've had all year."

He peered at Hange silently, still battling with the arousal he'd felt upon kissing the geek for the first time. "Well, happy New year, or whatever."

Hange's mouth split into another broad grin. "Happy New Year, Levi. You sweet little grump."

"I'm not sweet," he grumbled, more embarrassed by that accusation than he was by the observation that he'd kiss a fucking rock if it looked cute enough.

* * *

A few days later, Hange was preparing her horse for the next expedition when she caught sight of Levi. Her cheeks warmed when the captain's gaze met hers and he gave her a nod. Hange nodded back, prepared to look away. Levi had taken it all so stoically, but that kiss...damn...that kiss. Hange wanted to shove him against the wall and screw his brains out after that.

_~Wait a minute...~_

Hange blinked, eyes widening as Levi strode past. Surely, she hadn't imagined it. The little shit had _winked_ at her.

_~Oh my fuck...really?~_

Hange was never a person to act on good judgment. He went with his instincts, and those instincts were telling him to clear things up right away. Hange stopped brushing down her horse, and she closed the distance hastily between herself and Levi.

"Hey cutie...what was that?" Hange whispered, bending over a bit to speak into the captain's ear.

"What was what?" Levi sounded bored as usual. He kept his pace directed towards the stables, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

"You winked," Hange persisted. "Are you flirting, dear?"

"I had dust in my eye," excused Levi. He glanced sidelong at the taller soldier. "What of it?"

"Oh." Hange bit her lip. "I thought...never mind. Whoopsie."

Levi suddenly breathed a sigh, and he grabbed Hange by the wrist to tug her into the feed shack as they came upon it. He pushed the scientist up against the wall and his silvery gaze bored into Hange's, abruptly intense. "You fucked up my head."

"Sorry," breathed Hange, distracted by the feel of that hard little body pressing so intimately against his. "I just needed to confide in someone. Levi, please don't tell."

"Didn't say I was going to," answered the captain levelly. He sighed, and his smoldering gaze roved over Hange's form. "I just suck at this sort of thing. Don't know how to treat you."

"Like a person?" suggested Hange meekly. Her breath was quickening. Damn, Levi was a hot little thing. She refrained from touching him though, understanding that he was trying to cope with his revealed attraction. "Do you like me, grump?"

For a moment, Levi didn't move. Just as Hange was starting to think he'd gone too far, the captain nodded slowly. "Yeah. I like you. I just don't know what to _do_ with you. Am I supposed to give you flowers? Talk about sports? Braid your hair? What? Help me out, here."

It was so earnest and yet so ridiculous. Hange started to laugh.

"Fuck you," muttered Levi, his face going red. He released the scientist and started to turn away.

"Levi, wait." Hange grabbed the smaller scout by the soldier and spun him around. "Don't, okay? I'm really not that complicated."

"Think so?" Levi swallowed, and those enigmatic gray eyes dropped, curtained by dark lashes. Hange had never realized how thick Levi's eyelashes were, before now. "If you were a guy, I'd talk sports or combat. If you were a girl, I'd try complimenting your looks. I really don't know what the fuck to do, four-eyes. You said I'm an ass-sexual—"

"That's _asexual_ ," corrected Hange, struggling against a snicker. "And I didn't call you that. I said you're pansexual." She pinched Levi's sharp chin fondly, further endeared to him. "And you don't need to do any of that stuff."

"Then what do I do?" he persisted. He pulled back to stare up at Hange searchingly. "How the hell am I supposed to court someone like you? I want to, but I know exactly dick about it."

"Awww..." Hange's heart was melting. God, this man was so damned cute. "Levi, you don't need to worry about any of that with me."

He shrugged uncomfortably. "Then what?"

Hange smiled, and he enfolded Levi into a warm embrace. Pulling him tightly against her chest, Hange nuzzled the crown of Levi's raven head and she spoke softly to him. "Just this, tiny captain. This is all I need from you; your presence and acceptance. That's better than flowers or sports or anything else you might bring up, okay?"

"Wow, you give it up easy," mumbled Levi against Hange's shirt. His arms stole around the scientist's waist and he hugged him back.

* * *

The next day, they were out on an expedition to set up yet another base camp for supplies. Things seemed to be back as business as usual, and Hange wondered if she'd scared Levi off for good with her proclamation that him just being interested in her was enough. However, she got confirmation to the contrary when she found herself staring at a perfect, yellow wildflower carefully placed upon the rickety desk they'd brought as her research table. She reached out with a puzzled little frown, pinching the still-green stem of it between thumb and forefinger. Holding onto the flower, she stepped outside her tent and she looked around curiously. She saw Levi riding past on his agile black mount, accompanying Erwin.

For a brief moment their eyes locked, and Hange's heart skipped a beat. She raised the flower up, lifting a questioning, silent brow. Levi gave her a brief nod and a subtle wink, his expression hardly changing beyond that.

_~Holy shit, you sweet little bastard.~_

Tears pricked Hange's eyes, and he brought the wildflower up to his nose to inhale the scent. He nodded back to Levi, and he knew that come what may, he'd found someone that would accept him without question.

* * *

-The End

**Author's Note:**

> Happy belated New Year! This was supposed to be slapped on the internet for your viewing horror before the 1st, but alas, life got in the way. Warm wishes to all, and thank you for your continued support.


End file.
